Natalie Allan

It all started with that Friday Feeling…

After my husband’s incredibly long weekend last week, we were looking forward to having a simple and relaxing two days spent together with a visitation from the parental units. No such luck.

I ordered the limited edition version of Screamworks: Love in Theory and Practice on the day it went up for pre-order, with all the excitement of a pig-headed child. I wanted the limited edition screen print that came with the double CD. However, on Friday I had an email from Warner records saying the bank refused to give authorisation on my debit card. The money was there, I’d shopped online with it before, there was no reason why that transaction shouldn’t have gone through.

Annoyed, I was forced to order the special edition without the screen print from Amazon instead. That night, we were tentatively awaiting the arrival of our groceries from Asda, due between 7 and 9 P.M. At 9:15, when the shopping didn’t arrive, I checked the website to see what the hell had happened to my food and loo roll, only to find the order had been cancelled.

Annoyed again, I called Asda to see where my goods were, only to be told the bank had refused authorisation on the debit card again. Even more annoyed, I called the bank at 9:30 P.M. to see why they wouldn’t allow me to spend my money. Emphasis on the *my money*, not the bank’s. I was told they had seen a suspicious transaction on the card resulting in the card having a temporary block on it. When I asked what this transaction might be, they told me it was an overseas transaction for the said CD that didn’t go through, and they couldn’t understand why the debit for Amazon had been allowed. After much begging and promising I was the owner of the card, they lifted the block and I rescheduled the groceries for the next available slot, which was today, Sunday.

So, in essence, the bank saw a transaction between myself and a large company such as Warner suspicious. WTF? Can’t I buy from America if I want?

Saturday Stupor…

Saturday, things continued in much the same pattern. the parental units called to say they were down with flu and couldn’t make their regular Saturday visit, so we went into the city for a spot of retail therapy. Not to spend much because we don’t have much. My husband needed a new pair of shoes, and I wanted to buy a book of collected works of Charles Baudelaire as well as the dog’s three monthly fleas treatment.

We started at Pets At Home for the flea drops for the simple fact they have a free car park for up to 2 hours. The flea treatment by Frontline is veterinary grade and kills fleas like a nuclear bomb and prevents them from ever coming back (so long as you use the damned stuff regular as clockwork). The dog doesn’t have fleas, but prevention is always good.

In the pet store, I asked for the veterinary grade stuff and was asked a million questions as to why I wanted to buy it. Er, it’s flea treatment, it kills fleas, right? The woman then said she couldn’t sell it me because there was no one qualified to hand out veterinary grade medicines. After much cajoling, I felt like leaping across the counter and yelling “Just gimme the goddamn drugs already” into her overly round face. She told me I’d have to wait several days before this oh-so-qualified checkout operative would be in store. I decided to leave it and buy it online from the Medic Animal online veterinary store. this was the first shopping faux pass.

We then trawled the shops for my husband’s shoes. When it comes to shopping, we have a conflict of interest. He likes cheap and cheerful, I like high-quality will-last-forever-and-fuck-the-price kind of shoes. We finally were able to find a pair in Marks and Spencer that both covertly aided his dodgy ankle and would last a long time in the field of onsite technical support. And we got both at the bargain price of £30 while still being able to proudly carry a bag from a reputable shop. Payless shoes? Go fuck yourself!

After this, we went into Waterstones to grab the tome of Baudelaire. Non such happened. What kind of bookstore must it be if it doesn’t carry at least 1 copy of Baudelaire’s collected works? Faux pass number 2. I did, however, come out with a compendium of H.P. Lovecraft’s work. Bingo!

After this, we drove back to our small town for lunch only to find the local Subway has closed down. Faux pass number 3. We ended up going home and ordering in a pizza after spending much time queuing in the warehouse for a new dog bed and a can of air freshener.

The dog loves the new bed and hasn’t left it since we gave it her yesterday afternoon:

When we got home, I ended up ordering the Baudelaire book from Amazon as well as the flea treatment from Medic Animal.Why didn’t I just shop online to begin with?

That night was also a bad night. We noticed our elderly rat, Suse, the only remaining rat from the original Linux Rat pack, was not well. She was very elder and doddery at the best of times, but last night her time came and she passed onto wherever it is all good pets go when they depart. I’d bred Suse myself, so she lived and died in my home. She was 3 years old and the best rat a person could ever wish to own:

She will be sadly missed.

Sunday Screams…

Today has carried on in the same vein.When the groceries finally arrive, most of the items had been substituted for the “closest possible match” because the originally ordered items were “temporarily out of stock”. Why the hell didn’t Asda say they were out of stock when I ordered them.

So now, after much agonising with the delivery driver, I’m stuck with 4 boxes of Starbucks Tassimo coffee maker filters when I ordered 4 bags of ground coffee, spicy burgers for the husband when I ordered regular quarter-pounders, and 2kg of teeny tiny potatoes when I ordered the good fist sized ones.

Needless to say, we ended up driving to Morrisons in our little town to buy the items we actually wanted, resulting in us spending even more money.

I’m well and truly ready for this weekend, this month, to be over and to start afresh on February 1st.